Fart Rhymes From The Schoolyard
(from Fart-Sounds.net)

Fart Rhymes From The Schoolyard

Enjoy These FART Ryhmes

Beans, Beans

Beans, Beans

(from Atlanta, GA, early 1930s)

Beans, beans, the musical fruit:
The more you eat, the more you toot! [or poot]
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!  or So beans, beans for every meal! (Alternate last line submitted by Mark R.)
    (Additional lines submitted by Tanya R.)
I ate my beans and they were loaded,
Went to bed and they exploded!

(Collected in Syracuse, NY, early 1960s)

Beans, beans, are good for your heart!
The more you eat, the more you fart!
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So let's have beans for every meal!

(Submitted by Andy Slavin of the U.K.:)
Beans, beans, good for ya heart
The more ya eat the more ya fart
The more ya fart the more ya eat
The more ya sit on the toilet seat!

(Submitted by Kalynn:)
Beans, beans, the musical fruit,
The more you eat, the more you toot,
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So lift up your leg and let one squeal!
 

Going Down the Highway

Going Down the Highway

(from Syracuse, NY, collected 1968)

Going down the highway,
Going eighty-four,
Johnny cut a gasser
And it blew me out the door!
The engine, it exploded,
The chassis fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

    (version 2: Substitute the name of your choice for "Johnny.")

Going down the highway
Highway number 4,
Johnny let a fart
And blew me out the door;
The wheels started shaking,
The engine fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

    (version 3: Substitute the name of your choice for "Johnny.")

Drivin' down the highway,
Doin' sixty-four,
Johnny let a big one,
Blew me out the door!
Earth couldn't take it,
Space fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

    (version 4)

Riding down the highway,
Route 44,
Johnny made a big one
And blew us out the door!
The engine couldn't take it,
The caboose fell apart,
All because of Johnny's
Supersonic fart!

 
 

Peaches

Peaches

Peaches, peaches, I smell peaches,
Yonder goes a boy with a hole in his breeches!

 

A Little Gush of Wind

Wind Gust

A little gush of wind
Straight from the heart;
It tickled down my backbone
And it's also called a fart.

A fart can be useful;
It gives the body ease,
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.

 

Skinny and Fatty

Skinny and Fatty

Skinny and Fatty lying in bed,
Skinny lets a fart, Fatty's dead,
Skinny calls the doctor, doctor says,
One more fart, we'll all be dead

 

Gene, Gene, Made a Machine

Gene, Gene, Made a Machine

Gene, Gene made a machine.
Joe, Joe made it go.
Art, Art let a fart
And blew the whole machine apart.
    (alternate last line, submitted by Louie)
And blew the whole damn thing apart.
    (alternate last line submitted by Mark R.)
And blew it all apart.

 

Why Fart?

Why Fart

Why fart and waste it,
When you can burp and taste it?

 

Wherever You May Be

Wherever You May Be

Wherever you may be
Let your wind pass free.
 

There Once Was a Man from Rangoon

There Once Was a Man from Rangoon

There once was a man from Rangoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon;
When you'd least expect 'em
They'd burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon!!

 

There Was a Young Girl of la Plata

There Was a Young Girl of la Plata

There was a young girl of la Plata
Who was widely renowned as a farter.
Her deafening reports
At the Argentine sports
Made her much in demand as a starter.

 

A Farting Horse

Farting Horse

A farting horse will never tire,
A farting man's the man to hire.

    (A variant submitted by bruzz)

A farting man will never tire,
A farting horse is the one to sire.

 

The Fart is a Wondrous Thing

The Fart is a Wondrous Thing

The fart it is a wondrous thing that's made inside your belly,
It comes out of your bottom and is often very smelly.
Now, everybody does them, from beggars through to queens
And you can do some beauties when you've been eating beans!

So don't worry about those rumblings,
Be proud of all your trumps!
But remember, if you strain too hard
Your farts come out as lumps!
 

Here I Sit

Here I Sit

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Paid a dime but only farted.
Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a dime but shat my pants.

(version 2)

Here I sit, broken-hearted,
Had to s--- but only farted.  (or, Tried to s--- but only farted, variant submitted by  

(version 3)

Here I sit all broken hearted,
Tried to s--- but only farted!
Here I sit in a trance,
Tried to fart, but s--- my pants!

(version 4)

Here I sit all broken hearted;
Paid a nickle to s--- and only farted.
If that nickle broke your heart,
I hope you s--- every time you fart.

(version 5)

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Tried to s--- but only farted;
Then one day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but s--- my pants!

(version 6)  

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Giving birth to another Texan.

 

The Farter From Sparta

The Farter From Sparta

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado.

Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin's Etude #12 in C-minor.

He'd fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He'd boom from his ass
Bach's B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He'd proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed...
And collapsed in a shower of s---.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
"To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr."

When I Get Up

When I Get Up

When I get up to wipe my ass,
I like to pass a little gas;
It clears my hole
And dries the bowl
And shows I got a lotta class.

 

10-20-30

Fart Proudly

Substitute the name of your choice for Name:

10-20-30-40-50 or more:
Name cut a fart in the grocery store!

Thirty people died trying to hold their breath,
And Name cut another one and blew out the rest!
 

When You're Hot

When You're Hot

When you're hot you're hot,
And when you're not you're not;
But when you're on the pot,
Give it all you've got.

 

Better to Fart

Better to Fart

Better to fart and bear the shame,
Than hold the fart and bear the pain!

    (Alternate version)

It's better to fart and feel the shame,
Than hold it in and feel the pain.

 

F is For Fart

F is for Fart

F is for fart that stirs up a breeze,
And smells even worse then Limberger cheese.

 

Some Come Here

Fart and Stink

Some come here to sit and think,
But I come here to s--- and stink!
 

The Addams Family

The Addams Family Farted

The Addams family started

When Uncle Fester farted;

They all became retarded,

The Addams family!
 

Marty Barty Farted

Marty Barty Farted

Marty Barty farted,
The smell made him retarded,
The ozone was outsmarted
By the awful smell!
 

Marty, Farty

Marty, Farty

Marty, Farty,
Had a party,
All the gang was there.
Mr. Chopper
Let a whopper,
All went out for air!

(another variant which was circulating among the kindergarten crowd in the 1970s:)

Harty Farty
Had a party,
All the Farts were there;
Tutti Fruiti
Let a beauty,
And they all went out for air.

 

Fart, Fart

Fart Fart

Fart, fart!
It comes out like a dart!
I wish my farts
Could come out like a singing lark...
 

Excuse Me for My Ignorance

Excuse Me for My Ignorance

Excuse me for my ignorance,
It wasn't very smart,
But if it came out the other end
It would've been a fart!

 

A Fart is a Chemical Substance

A Fart is a Chemical Substance

A fart is a chemical substance,
It comes from a place called bum;
It penetrates through the trousers,
And lands with a musical hum.
To fart, to fart, 'tis no disgrace;
It warms the blankets on cold winter nights,
And suffocates all the fleas.
 

A Belch is But a Gentle Wind

A Belch is But a Gentle Wind

A belch is but a gentle wind
That cometh from the heart,
But when it takes a downward turn
It then becomes a fart.

 

Siapa Yang Kentut?

Tut, tut, tut

Tut, tut, tut,
Siapa yang kentut?

(This Indonesian playground rhyme is a modification of a cute little song about a train, and is used as a counting game. The person who gets the last word is the one who supplied the fart. The translation is "Toot, toot, toot, who is it who farted?")  

Fart Rhymes

Fart Sounds